Platitude Paradise

I woke to a full fledged panic attack this morning. They're always fun, right? Especially when they happen only ten minutes before you have to wake the children. The cranky-assed, tension-sensing, guilt factories ... to whom you gave birth. I went back to bed after I put the girls on the bus.  Avoidance. When I finally got up, it was after eleven. I know - right? This could be the beginning of another sad, sad story ... but it isn't.  Something slid into place inside my brain today. I got on the phone before I was half way through my first coffee and by the time I finished my third, I had talked to a couple of good contacts ... each with thoughts and suggestions as to my future employment. I also discussed the possibility of downsizing our truck and maybe picking up a 2nd beater car. We need to be ready to be mobile. We're both looking outside of the house for work.  I opened a door today. I need to open another, tomorrow. Tomorrow,

There is a conversation that is happening in my head lately.  It is between two very distinct sides of my brain and each has a passionate stance. The logical part - the one that says things like 'uh ... ya - we need to have groceries if we're gonna eat, folks' and 'how many basements are you going to dig before you get off your ass and do something about it, for the love of Christ?'  We took a vote and we officially hate that side. ... and then the illogical side - it seems hell bent on encouraging me to steep in my own stink for as long as is humanly possible. Letting me explore my feelings and chase my bliss ... because it is my God given right to be all that I can be and the rest of the world just better get with the damned program already and let me have this. ALL THE MAGAZINES SAY I'M SUPPOSED TO WANT IT!  This is the side of my brain that is busy having a feeling over here and ... 'wah! I'm not happy working full time ... w